Malachy Lynam
Some people say social intelligence is a skill. I’d argue it’s more of a superpower.
Anyway, like many people, you may underestimate the level of social intelligence you possess.
Maybe it’s because you know there’s always more to learn, or you are naturally humble. Both of these traits are common in socially intelligent people, by the way.
Whatever the reason, today you will find out.
If you can say ‘yes’ to the below ten signs, you probably have remarkably high social intelligence!
1) People pour their hearts out to you
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.”― George MacDonald, Author and Poet.
Do people regularly come to you when they are stressed? When they are heartbroken? When they feel lost?
People pouring their hearts out to you is one of the most obvious signs that you have exceptional social intelligence.
Why?
It’s about trust.
People don’t reveal their most personal, deepest feelings to just anyone.
They do it with people they trust.
They trust that you will listen without judgment.
They trust that you will empathize with them.
They trust that you will be honest and genuine.
Most of all, they trust that their deepest secrets are safe with you.
I could go on, but you get the point.
This level of trust takes a great deal of social intelligence to build.
If people come to you with their hearts in their hands, it is a sign that you are socially adept.
2) You have been called a good listener
“We have two ears and one mouth, and we should use them proportionally.” – ― Susan Cain, Author.
Being called a good listener is a surefire sign that you have high social intelligence, even if you don’t realize it.
More than anything, people want to be listened to.
Not just heard; listened to.
If people have commented on your listening skills, you are likely an active listener. You probably listen to understand, not just to reply.
People feel like what they say matters when they speak to you.
Because, as you probably know, it does.
3) People ask for your advice on social situations
Another obvious sign that you have high social intelligence is that people ask for your advice. More specifically, they ask for your advice on social situations.
Why?
They have noticed your social intelligence.
They may not have consciously thought about it or called it ‘social intelligence’, but they have realized that you have a unique ability to deal with people.
And because of this, they trust that your advice will be valuable.
The next sign may be one of the reasons they noticed your social prowess.
4) You rarely have emotional outbursts
“Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.”
― Kimberly Jones, Author
Are you the sort of person who can remain calm and composed even in stressful social situations?
If you possess this ability, you may not think much of it.
After all, it’s easy to remain calm, right?
Well no. For many of us, composure is difficult, and we spend years trying to foster it.
Remaining calm internally and externally and continuing to think rationally no matter what the situation is like a superpower to some.
Those who can do it have exceptional control of their emotions, prejudices, and insecurities.
If you can remain composed in almost any social situation, it’s a sign that you have remarkably high social intelligence.
5) You have a large social circle
A wide social circle is another strong indicator that you have high social intelligence.
It doesn’t mean you are necessarily best friends with everyone in that circle. It means that a large number of people value your friendship.
Without high social intelligence, it is almost impossible to develop this.
Why? Because everyone is different.
If you can maintain a large social circle, it is likely that you have the ability to adjust your communication methods to suit different people.
Adaptability like this is a cornerstone trait of high social intelligence, but the next sign is perhaps an even more significant indicator of it.
6) You can put yourself in others’ shoes
“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.” – Walt Whitman, Poet, Essayist, and Journalist.
Have you ever been in a situation where you could understand where someone was coming from, but others couldn’t?
Can you understand where people’s motives, even if they seem utterly irrational to some?
When you watch a movie, do you genuinely empathize with several characters all at once?
If so, you are most likely highly socially intelligent.
7) You get along with people from different cultures
Another obvious sign that you have high social intelligence is that you can get along with people from different cultures.
It’s relatively easy to form functioning relationships with people who grew up close to you, had a similar upbringing, and share many of the same mannerisms and societal values as you.
Getting along with people from other cultures requires much more social ability.
Remember I said you see things from other people’s perspectives?
Well, forming and maintaining strong relationships with people from other cultures takes this to another level.
It means having an open mind and empathizing with situations and expectations you have not experienced.
It means reading non-verbal cues and balancing your culture’s norms with those of another’s.
There is possibly no more robust sign of social intelligence than this…but the next one comes close.
8) You keep friends for a long time
Do you have friends that you met years and years ago that you are still on good terms with?
Can you still call them up and chat even though you might not have spoken in a long time?
If so, it’s a sign that you have remarkable social intelligence.
Why?
People come and go in our lives, and as life gets in the way, it’s easy for people to lose touch and sight of what you once had in common.
When you can still talk to old friends, even those that may be far away, you have strong relationships that took social intelligence to develop.
9) People listen to you when you speak
Do people stop and listen when you have something to say?
People listening to you when you speak is a sure sign of respect.
While respect can be gained in many ways, social intelligence is usually necessary.
It most often requires knowing when and what to say, how, and most importantly, who to say it to.
These are key pillars of social intelligence, and if people are giving you respect without it being forced upon them, you probably have higher social intelligence than you might realize.
10) You know that people love to hear their own name
This one comes from Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to win friends and influence people, and it’s no less true today than it was when he penned it almost 90 years ago.
He says a person’s name is “the sweetest and most important sound in any language”.
I can tell you from personal experience that using a person’s name is magic in helping build rapport and making others feel valued.
Of course, if you have remarkably high social intelligence, you already know this.
I’ll stop preaching to the choir.
The bottom line
And there you have it – ten signs you have remarkably high social intelligence.
I hope this post has given you some confidence in your social prowess or, at the very least, some food for thought.
If you would like to be even more socially intelligent (we all would), you may find this post useful.
