Elizabeth Koh
So, you’ve been seeing someone for a while and are ready to take things to the next level.
However, you’re not sure if he’ll be keen on taking the next step.
Today, we’ll explore 7 behaviors of people who prefer keeping their relationships casual and help you recognize if he’s one of them.
Of course, everyone’s personal choices and circumstances are unique.
But if your partner exhibits these qualities, you might want to reconsider your decision.
1) He has a phobia of commitment
“I think we’re moving too fast.”
“I’m not ready for something more yet.”
Do these sound familiar?
One of the defining characteristics of those who prefer bachelorhood is their tendency to avoid committing to serious, long-term relationships.
The idea of commitment is stifling and might be akin to being chained to a lifestyle he doesn’t want.
He’s just there for a good time, not a long one, and would rather keep his options open than be tied down to someone.
This brings me to my next point.
2) He has a string of casual relationships
Ask him about his dating history and his list of exes might be as long as your arm.
The idea of chasing someone new excites him.
This could stem from the novelty of meeting new people and experiencing different dynamics.
He would rather focus on having fun – without the constraints of a commitment partnership.
He’d also probably tell you that his past relationships didn’t work out because:
- The other party was moving too fast, or
- He just wasn’t ready for something more.
So, if bringing up questions about the future of your relationship leads you to the same responses, this is very likely the furthest the relationship will go.
And a big reason for this is…
3) He guards his independence
He’s prioritizing his freedom. Not you.
When you’re together with him doing couple activities, do you sense that he’d rather be somewhere else?
While it’s not wrong to want your own ‘me time’, quality time with each other is also equally important.
If he’s generally bored or indifferent when you’re doing something together – particularly, something you enjoy – he’s not willing to be involved in your life.
Naturally, the idea of commitment is not something he’d want.
It would mean ‘losing out’ on his independence and sense of autonomy.
4) He enjoys living in the present
Another characteristic is his lack of consideration for the future.
He’s entirely focused on the present.
He may not have any long-term career or financial goals and is only concerned about the here and now.
Being able to make decisions for the long term means taking ownership and responsibility for your choices. More often than not, these choices will also affect others as well.
And this is something he’d rather not do.
If you’re seeking a partnership that will move on to the next stage, this is a crucial area of consideration.
For him, there might not be a next step in this relationship.
If it’s clear that your goals and perspectives of life are not aligned, address this from the outset.
This leads me to my next point.
5) He has negative views about marriage or starting a family
As we all know, maintaining a household, raising a child and getting married means easing into a routine.
Your life now revolves around other people.
When someone decides to settle down, it means that they’re willing to spend the time and effort to grow the relationship.
Unfortunately, all of these are likely to bore him and he might even think that the idea of marriage is silly.
I knew a friend who had been together with a guy for over four years, but not once has he agreed to meet her parents.
After deciding to talk things through, she realized that marriage wasn’t what he had in mind.
He had no regard for their future, and their relationship wasn’t going to progress anytime soon.
Sometimes, it’s best to understand where both parties stand earlier in the relationship.
This would help prevent disappointment from unmet expectations.
6) He avoids emotional attachment
What sets casual relationships apart from serious ones is the willingness of both parties to trust each other and be vulnerable.
This means putting down emotional barriers to reveal a side that’s only reserved for a closer group of friends, or family.
It means being your genuine self and sharing your innermost feelings with each other.
If he isn’t comfortable enough to do this around you, he’s likely avoiding emotional attachment and doesn’t want to pursue a deeper connection with you.
7) He doesn’t seem that interested in what’s going on in your life
Have you ever shared a personal achievement with him but all you got was a lackluster response?
Perhaps just a nod, as he listened half-heartedly while glued to his phone.
On the other hand, you enjoy spending time with him – even if both of you are something you may not like.
From this mismatch in energy, it’s clear that he’s not that interested in being involved in your life.
Final thoughts
If you find that your partner ticks all or most of the boxes, it’s best to be open about your expectations and decide if you want to stay or move on.
Remember, entering a relationship is a wonderful experience!
But finding someone willing to choose you in the long run is not easy.
This might take time and sure, it will be uncomfortable navigating singlehood for a while, but it’ll be worth it.
